When it Seems Hard to Read God's Word

The Word of God, and my choice to follow it, has changed me profoundly.

So I am passionate about encouraging women to spend time with God, to read His love letter, to embrace who they are in Christ.

I write about it here, I write about it at Do Not Depart, I lead a women's bible study, and I serve in the Hello Mornings ministry... all because I understand how life changing it is to make the choice to learn God's Word and walk in it. To come to know God through the pages of His book completely transforms your world view.

But you know what? Despite decades of doing it, spending time in the Word is not always easy. In fact, there are times when I struggle to convince myself to creak open those pages at all. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed, but far more worrisome is when I am getting up early and just don't want to sit down and study.

I found myself in that place last week. We had an over-busy spring, which was followed by an absolutely beautiful vacation with extended family in Hawaii. I didn't want to leave.

The responsibilities at home are many and endless. Every clean dish becomes dirty again, every new weekday brings more lessons for school, and a blog is only as good as its last post. Which had better have been published recently! The house, the yard, the menu, the budget, the syllabus, the extra-curriculars, the driving, the business plan... the laundry!

I am not alone in living this reality. I think it is the norm for many American women today. We wear so many hats. So much is expected of us.

Trouble is, I am living a super-highway-paced life when I was designed for a dirt-road meandering life. It's who I am; I know people who love a packed schedule and an ever changing routine.

Me? I'm a stop-to-smell-the-daisies girl. No time for daisies lately.

I was finding it very hard to get up in the morning. Some of it certainly was the time change after our trip, which our entire family is still easing out of (can't believe it is taking this long!)

Last week, I felt like I hit a crisis point. I was so discouraged. I felt helpless. I wasn't getting done what needed to be done and I couldn't focus on the bible at all.

It took a friend being in the same place for me to remember. Sometimes it is not about getting the study time in. Sometimes it's just about being in His presence.

So I took the pressure off. I made two decisions. I would not look at any electronics before I sat on the couch with my bible, and I would be okay with getting absolutely nothing out of my bible reading. If all I did was sang to Him and fell back asleep that was enough.

What a relief!

Worship songs in my ears and a cozy blanket around my shoulders, I sang. I snuggled into the couch and into His arms, and was just plain old tired me.

And eventually I was able to read my bible. It did become more than a blur of letters.

Because I had stopped focusing on the obligation, and looked instead into the face of Jesus.

It was enough that I showed up. He made the rest work in His good time.

All He really wanted was me anyway.


 

As the Morning Light Grows, So Do I

In the dark of night the harp on my phone gently chimes into my sleep. My body resists. It has not been long enough. But the thought of the women waiting on the other side of a screen pushes my feet to the floor and I stand.

The house lies quiet and black as I shuffle to the tea pot. I pass work. Everywhere I look I see work. "Should" begins its daily march through my thoughts, and it takes a will that is hard to muster at this hour to resist giving in and turning to those piles and lists.

But today I don't. Because I know they wait - fellow sojourners on the Way, growing in discipline to meet the Lord in the morning. Oh how I wish that I were not so weak, that the joy that I know awaits me in His presence was all that spurred me. But my flesh responds now to the commitment I've made to other women.

My tea steeps while I gather bible and pencil, study and music. I know that the fastest way to place myself in His presence is to sing to Him. I dig out earphones, plug them in and settle into the couch.

The music starts and I am on my knees, head on couch. So tired. But the music begins to stir inside, like a slow spoon in the cup of my heart. I begin to mouth the words, and my head rises. Soon tears are flowing down my face as my arms lift to the ceiling, in the presence of the only One who knows every nook and cranny of me.

I sit on the couch again, turning pages of scripture, eating the Word bite by bite, chewing and savoring. My pencil scratches barely legible notes in my study. Every day something speaks right into my real life. Something I needed to remember, something I needed to learn. A word of hope. Tender love.

I turn to the music again. Something makes me turn off the light for this song, and as I sit on the couch singing, I see the vague outline of trees out the window. Black with the slightest blue grey behind.

Tears begin again as the light softly grows while I worship. Because this is the picture of my heart. The light that has gently grown in the darkness of my center, that has illuminated the hidden scared places, this is the light that has defined me, the real me.

The lines on the trees are more clear now and a muted morning rainbow hugs them in the dawn light. Soon I can see that their definition is complete, each tree fully illuminated. And now each blade of grass. Each leaf.

The brightness makes me weep.

Because I see myself. I see each who struggles to put herself in His presence when body and mind rebel. And I see the fruit. The glorious light that presses away darkness without faltering, and reveals the beauty of the created.

For several years I have been blessed by a ministry now known as HelloMornings. If you desire to grow in being intentional about spending daily time with God, you may find that the accountability provided by HelloMornings strengthens you too.

Small groups of 15 women check in with one other on weekdays during each 13 week session. An optional bible study is provided that can be as simple or as in-depth as you desire to make it. 

The summer 2013 session of HelloMornings runs from May 6 - August 2, 2013. Registration is open now until May 3, 2013. Won't you join us?

 

When Confidence Grows a Little Too Much

Yup. Silliness is just part of who I am. You can be confident of that.

The year of confidence started out with a bang in January, when I was put in a situation in which my head covering was a possible social faux pas.

A few years back, I had faced a similar, slightly awkward situation, when I was involved in a community theater project with my daughter. And a few years before that, when I was in a wedding. Each time I managed to navigate it. Each time I grew a little more into the whole concept.

After I tried one day bare-headed for a theater rehearsal, I knew that my head covering was there to stay (and my kids were quite adamantly in agreement.) So I had tried my commitment to it, and come through knowing where I was supposed to stand. It was a kind-of-hard but sweet knowing.

The situation this January, though... it had a different flavor. An extremely unusual event, and very very dear people involved. I was tried again.

While my theater test had shown me that I was in for the long haul, finding a way to do it for this event threw me into a tizzy. After a sputtering start, and a few rallying friends, I saw my way. Interestingly, what I saw was that I have a unique style, and that I am okay with that. All three of my beautiful friends are stylish in their own ways, and all three of them made completely different suggestions. Completely.

I have my own shape, my own coloring, and my own preferences. There are kinds of scarves I can't wear because my hair is too thin. There are fabulously elegant turban-style headcoverings that would look ridiculous on this white girl.

So I figured out a solution I could live with. Not only for my head, but also for my body. It was good. After 30 years of feeling awkward about clothing (what scars junior high can dig into a mind!), I was free.

I am a headcovering, skirt wearing Mama. That's me. The longer and flowier the better. Silk and linen, soft cotton and maybe some rayon. That's what I love. And it's good.

It was an interesting first foray into my crazy word for the year - confidence.

Next up were a series of interactions related to my online work. More positives. More confidence. What on earth?

Face to face with people, I kept hearing myself not just gently and softly encouraging, but starting to get fiery, starting to speak all pulpit-like about having vision and pursuing dreams, about eternal perspective and spiritual warfare. Confidence, confidence!

Which brings me to Holy Week.

Holy Week... in which I have made scriptural error after scriptural error. Some written, some in person. Just a great big stumbling of me. I have called tables couches and computers phones. I have been gently teased by loved ones, and held tightly by unconditional arms. I have been a mess. Almost as bad as my house. And this week, that's pretty bad.

I really thought this week, seriously, "I have no right to write. No right to talk to anyone about spiritual matters. No right to weigh in on biblical truth. I must stop." I contemplated what it would mean to get rid of every single electronic device in our home. I sorely wanted to.

Alas my errors were not limited to the computer. Today, it was my off-hand "That's not in the bible" statement, gently corrected by my child. My child. <blush>


But today, blessedly, I was also pondering the cross. Today I kept seeing the image of a bloody Jesus suffering for me. Oh how I don't like seeing that image. Crushes me. But there it was.

Good Friday - a good day to be reminded where my confidence lies.

Even though I understood from the beginning that I was not called to self-confidence this year, but simply confidence, I let it get away from me. I let those beginning exhilarating forays into confidence in Him and who I am in Him morph, without restraint, into self-confidence. And then I fell flat on my face.

Thank you Jesus for my bloody nose!

I can't be really me, fully me, unless I am abiding in Him, unless I am laying my effort and my abilities at His feet for His use. The more I become confident in my own strength, the weaker I really am. But the reverse is also true.

Isn't that crazy? That the less we hang onto ourselves, the more we become who we were meant to be?

..for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh... Philippians 3:3 

Now I just have to walk on. Have to remember Whose I am and Who sets my value, and Who makes me worthy. 'Cause it isn't me, that's for sure.

Self-confidence just leads to disappointment. Confidence in Jesus - that leads to freedom and joy. I'll take the freedom and joy, please.

This bruised girl will be rejoicing in the Resurrection on Sunday... and thankful, so thankful.

 

A Story of Transformation - To Walk or Stay {review and giveaway}

You all know, because I've said it here repeatedly, that I believe that true freedom comes from the laying down of self. That the road to joy is paved with sacrifice and service. And suffering, yes.

Today I am privileged to be introducing you to a woman who has lived through the valley of suffering and come to find life as she has given over her human desires, and been transformed into the person God made her to be.

I met Lara Williams online in 2010. We both joined a memorization encouragement group while my kids and I were memorizing Philippians. We also both participated in the Hello Mornings Challenge. Later Lara and I served together on the writing team at Do Not Depart.

Through her writing, as well as the few occasions when I have heard her speak by video or live chat, I have come to understand that Lara is a woman after God's own heart.

It became clear to me, soon after we met, that something had happened in her life that had prompted a radical transformation. I have read a lot of Christian writers, people gifted with words and with a solid knowledge of the bible. But Lara is one of those rare writers who conveys a deep passion, a sacrificial love for God, that is a reflection of a heart truly laid down. You won't find legalism in Lara. I was certain that this was a woman who had walked through suffering.

Lara just released her very first solo book, To Walk or Stay, this week. When she offered pre-release digital copies for reviewers, I jumped at the chance. I find myself having many opportunities to review books these days. Frankly, I don't have time. The fact that this is the first review I have done here underscores how highly I respect Lara, and how much I think this book will bless you. For Lara, I made time, because I knew that her words would be anointed.

To Walk or Stay is a book about a marriage, yes, but marriage only provides the backdrop for a radically transforming journey. The crux of this book is taking an honest look at one's own heart and laying it all out before Jesus. Lara says:

The ultimate point of this book is to show you how I wrestled before my God in the midst of a devastating valley and to testify to His faithful guidance. You won't get tips on which counselor to see -- though we saw many counselors. You won't get instructions on which boundaries to lay -- though lines were drawn. You won't read a detailed account of my husband's transformation before His God -- though he's a different man. What you will get is a dare: a dare to take God at His Word and a dare to allow His promises to affect the choices you make today.
- To Walk or Stay, p. 10

Lara was a Christian before she walked through this valley. A bible-believing seminary-graduated Christian. But in many ways she was a caterpillar Christian. It took the road of pain to grow her into a butterfly, a beautiful child of God free to truly enjoy all He had for her.

Because Lara was open to allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to transform, God is now using her in mighty ways. I am sure she would be the first to say that the impact she has as a writer and speaker is all because of Him, and for His glory. 

As you know, I have a passion for God's Word because it has transformed my life, and the lives of many I know. God-breathed Truth is a catalyst for deep life change. Lara experienced this as well:

To think that God would speak through His Word to those seeking His face humbles me. His Word breathes. If we are willing to look and listen, it meets us in the fires of life and soothes the burn on an intimate level. Through His Word He promises, prophecies and penetrates even the hardest of hearts. Through it He guides even through the darkest of valleys – through whatever valley we find ourselves treading. - To Walk or Stay, p. 18

As we meditate on God’s Word rather than our volatile feelings, hope arises. As we choose to ponder the Truth of His character rather than our fleeting circumstance, peace falls. He gives us this one life, these few days. May we not waste them with futile thinking. - To Walk or Stay, p. 47

Using plentiful scripture, To Walk or Stay leads you through a journey that includes

• examining your thought life
• questioning unrealistic expectations set up by worldliness
• choosing forgiveness
• actively embracing prayer
• faithful waiting

Each chapter of the book is followed by several pages of in depth, personal bible study. 

Whenever I hear of a book that is the fruit of brokenness, I always wonder how the publishing of the story will affect other people involved. Lara's husband supported this project, and even shared his perspective on her blog.

The sorrow that we experience today may be the very thing that God uses for His glory tomorrow. - Adam Williams

Don't you just want to stand up and shout "Amen!"?

Again, while this book will be immensely helpful to anyone experiencing challenges in their marriage - and folks, we're all sinners, so that's all of us, yes? - it is applicable to any area of suffering. Perhaps you have a prodigal child, have been deeply wounded, or are experiencing debilitating illness. You too will be blessed by this book. I think you will find it will help change how you think about the trials in your life.

As I read this book, I noted quotes I wanted to share here, but a review isn't really supposed to reprint the book, right? ;-) How about I just give you a copy of To Walk or Stay instead? The winner will be chosen on Friday, March 29, 2013. UPDATE: Congratulations Angie W! You won!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you are looking for accountability and fellowship as you work through this book, consider joining the To Walk or Stay book club, starting on April 15, 2013. And off you think you might be interested in starting your own group, Lara is giving away a book bundle on her blog.

But if you just can't wait, go ahead and buy yours today!

To read other women's perspectives on To Walk or Stay, you can find more reviews linked up at the bottom of this page.

Read the book. Be blessed. And live free in Him, friends. Live free!