I have a broken heart.
The cardiologist calls it something else. He explains that it is a benign condition that causes the electrical impulses to occasionally misfire, creating a weak beat followed by an overachieving beat.
In my chest it feels like: Thump thump thump thump thump BAM!
Months will pass without it happening and I will forget that it is part of me. Then something will trigger it... sleep deprivation, dehydration, stress... and I remember.
I have a broken heart.
"For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.
But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.
I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.
For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,
but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?"
~ Romans 7:19-24 ~
I used to dread it. The pounding and racing are reminiscent of anxiety and panic, not feelings I crave.
Today? Today I am embracing it. It reminds me of the truth that I can not escape.
I have a broken heart.
"Who will set me free from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Christ Jesus our Lord!" ~ Romans 7:24-25 ~
My heart is broken, but His body was broken.
Lying with The Princess after whispering goodnight prayers, we ponder life's pains. We search about for how to change the habits that are deeply embedded, the patterns that cause us and those we love to suffer.
Her tender young voice breathes, "But Mama, if you were to fill up all those holes, there would be no room for Jesus."
My heart is broken. My heart of hearts is broken. Filled with holes.
Fill them Lord Jesus. Without You I am hopeless.
photo by mzacha
The Princess' words are profound. She is so right.
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