Family Culture - It is Better to Light a Candle Than to Curse the Darkness

I'm sitting in a cafe. The table is piled with my children's school books.  I had been working on school lessons, but my heart's steady beat of write-write-write won't be ignored.

I plop my little ipad, its attached keyboard making it look like a miniature laptop, on top of my son's open planner.

The song of the cafe is loud. I sit and stare at the screen, ready to burst. Nothing comes.

My ears are so full they ache.

Still the cafe-song pulses. Medical terms sing out from the nurses-in-training studying at a nearby, book laden table. The blender whirs its tune of frozen caffeine and sugar.  The speakers blare pop music, jarring, much of the tunes and lyrics meaningless. Some of it despairing.

With a deep breath I plug in my headphones.

Higher and higher I press the volume button, until I am alone in a song of hope. I close my eyes as peace washes over me.

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It's not just the cafe. Distractions swirl around me all the time. Everywhere I go they are fighting for my attention.

How desperately I want the laser-like focus that is required to walk the narrow path in our loud culture. 

I think about how like a magpie I am all day, every day.  So many things on the to-do list, so many shiny electronic distractions. I scurry around from task to task as if speed will keep me from forgetting anything. Then inevitably I wear down and sit to stare at a screen for a minute. I use it almost like a pacifier, a retreat.  Is this where I really want to find rest?

I think about the example this sets for my children.

I can't escape the culture. None of us can. 

The culture-at-large is not a culture of peace. Our culture is not singing a song of hope. Our culture's theme song is "Me, Myself and I in Our Virtual Life."

Moving to the country does not protect you from this culture, in case you were wondering.

And you know, I don't want to be protected from the culture, frankly. It is our world, our mission field. Filled with hurting and hungry souls desperate for the love that does not disappoint.

But the din, oh so loud. So distracting.

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Sally Clarkson encourages parents to develop a family culture. In a way that reminds me of Charlotte Mason's idea that education is an environment, the Clarkson parents strove to surround their children with beauty and great thinkers, with a family culture of unconditional love and acceptance.

My desire for our family is to create a home culture of peace and quiet of soul. A safe place, a nest to which we can return from the clamor of our culture. A place where beauty and truth prevail. Where we are nourished in heart, and soul-fed to return to the sweaty work of loving in this dark world.

We must be in our culture but not of it. And oh how hard to draw the line.

We can not isolate ourselves and walk in the footsteps of Jesus. He who came to this ugly hard world and spent his days amongst the most dirty in body and soul, who loved the unlovable, who served without hesitation.

It is only fear that would keep the door closed. 

Love opens the door.

There is no rule book for this, no manual for how children serve in an unlovely world. For my husband and me, it is a matter of prayer and the individual child. What can they handle? But if we are to live in this world, and walk out the command to love... and if we believe that love is action and serving... we must must walk out into it.

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Sally Clarkson sometimes quotes the old Chinese proverb, "It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." I feel that truth in my bones.

...each of us in our own little alcove, shining bright, pushing back the darkness...

Jesus lit a candle. He lit one in you and one in me when we became His.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." - Jesus (Matthew 5:14-16)

We get to do this. Shine light into the darkness. Hope. Meet real needs. Even in our own weakness and neediness. Because we do it in Him, for Him.

Imagine. Worn out mamas like you and me, we are lights.

I want to let my light shine into the darkness around me instead of complaining about it. I want to nurture a family culture of peace and love so that when we feel overwhelmed by the culture-at-large, we have a safe haven.

A place of protection from the winds that want so badly to blow out our little flames.

And then I want to go back out and shine.

joining the Write It, Girl and Thought Provoking Thursdays communities this week

cafe photo by naggobot
candle/alcove photo by Dave W Clark
Mighty to Save sung by Laura Story

Discipleship and Family Ministry ~ Mom Heart Thoughts, Part 1

With Sally Clarkson at the morning tea. Can you tell I was happy?

I had the privilege of attending a Mom Heart Conference in Irving, TX this past weekend.  Mom Heart is part of Whole Heart Ministries, an organization run by the incredibly gifted Sally and Clay Clarkson and their family.

This was the fourth conference I have attended put on by Whole Heart Ministries, and it was just as inspiring as all the rest, if not more so.  My mind and heart were overflowing as I left, and my rekindled passion for my life as a mother continues to feel strong and fresh today.  I do encourage you to attend a Mom Heart conference if ever you are able.

For the past few days I have pondered how on earth I could possibly distill such a rich two days into one blog post.  I have given up!  You will be seeing quite a few posts from me that are the fruit of new ideas kindled or old ideas fanned into flame this past weekend.

Today I want to talk about discipleship.  One of the things that I took away from the conference was the desire for a family ministry.  Because we homeschool we are blessed to be able to cultivate the relationships within our family intensively each day.  Yet even in a homeschool setting it is easy for each of us to be going our separate ways. 

I have watched the Clarksons over the years, and how they have involved their children in their ministry.  The children do a lot of the back-end work and each of the Clarkson children in attendance is expected to stand up and share something.  Often they speak, sometimes they perform music.  I strongly believe that part of the reason their family bond is so strong is the fact that Whole Heart Ministries is not just Sally and Clay's vision, it is a family vision.  Most of their children are now adults, and yet they still continue to attend, to help and to enjoy one another.

Sally talked about how Jesus ministered intensively to his disciples, and how the disciples in turn went out into the world and ministered.  Think about it... Jesus didn't sit down and write the gospels while He was on earth in bodily form.  It is because of His disciples and people to whom they witnessed and ministered that we have the New Testament.  And it is because of their faithfulness in writing that countless people over millennia have come to know Jesus Christ.  This practice of disciples making disciples is God's good design!

Isn't this just what we as parents are called to?  We minister to our children, to teach and strengthen them to go forth and minister to others.  In the season of life with young ones under our roofs it really is the most pressing ministry we have!

There are many aspects to the how-to's of this, of course, but the one that is most on my heart right now is a family vision, a family ministry.  What is our family's message to the world, and how can we live and share it together?  There is so much need, and we have hearts for service... how much better for it to be service together!

I fervently believe that this will greatly equip our children to be warriors in a dark world.  I don't believe God calls Christians to hide away from the world, but rather to be light-bearers... hope-bringers to hurting people.

Now, to be clear, there is a time for everything.  Our littlest ones need shelter.  Like chicks under a mama hen's wing they need nurturing and peace to grow strong foundations.  But as they grow, it is our privilege and responsibility to prepare them for service in this world and increasingly expose them to it.

Sally reminded us that our youth are called to be as Daniel in Babylon.  That they are in the world with a purpose and a calling.  They are to influence the world, not be influenced by the world.

Does it sound scary?  Are you afraid to allow your teen into the world?  I completely understand; I struggle myself.  A mother's tender heart wants to protect her child.  Yet as Sally reminded us, if you only try to do what you can do yourself, you are living in works.  Live by faith, not by fear!

The fact is, you can't protect your children from the evil in the world.  So equip them!  How much better it will be for them to face worldly challenges with your loving guidance as they grow, than to be sheltered until adulthood and thrust out into the world unprepared.

The Clarkson's youngest daughter, Joy, who is almost 16, shared a beautiful song she had written, as well as this message: Trust your teen.

Our children will face struggles and suffering no matter what.  Deepening our relationships with them and speaking truth and hope into their lives is the model Jesus gave us for making disciples.

Through openness and humility with my children I seek to grow a relationship built on love and trust.  I want them to know that for the rest of their lives, they can turn to me for love and encouragement.  I want to always point them toward Jesus.  Not only when they are small and think that I am the Queen of Everything (oh how I love those days!) but also when they are towering over me and struggling with the world.

I am not sure where God will lead us as we seek Him for a family vision and ministry.  But I believe it will be an amazing journey.  As Sally said, "God is only limited by our faith."

Do you have a family vision or ministry?  I would love to hear how your family seeks to be Daniels in Babylon!