Where to Find Joy When You are Worn and Weary

When the relentless rest-less days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months, all the hurry and rush can make a mama see the world through a lens of gray.

It's a worrisome place to be... feels a bit like days of old, days of depression and gloom.

The need to get out bed is more urgent than ever, but the will lacking.

Air is crisp and the bed is warm. It's a fight to make feet hit cold ground.

In the middle of the dark-inside days doesn't joy seem a flickering memory? A dream dreamed on a long ago night?

Toes touch the floor and seek soft slippers. Little comforts soften the edges.

Shuffling to the kitchen for a hot drink, a bible lies near.

It is closed.

Eyes stay focused on the floor because legos and books and marbles and cheerios make feet grumpy, even feet in soft slippers. The mess in the house feels like the mess in the mind.

In the kitchen the electric tea kettle whooooshes bubbly water, and steam winds to the ceiling. The counter has crumbs.

And this mama wonders... will I ever get there? Will I ever ever ever get it all done? And is any of it worth doing anyway?

A little rustling sound and then a tangle of small arms and warmth from behind.

Crumbs and legos and fog are forgotten as we two wrap all up for the morning snuggle, sitting right there on the kitchen floor.

Love pushes the clouds a bit and says, "Are you hungry?"

Then love gets up off the cold floor and wipes the counter. Love melts the butter and cracks the eggs. Love grinds the coffee for Papa and wakes other children.

And love makes the mama remember... it is in doing love that joy is found.

The day never gets perfect. The race against household entropy is never ending and the people are all still sinners. Every day.

That closed bible calls out and is cracked wide, and as pages are turned and the realest truest words read aloud, brains start to clean and clear.

Hope. Life. And this is the hope that does not disappoint.

Even for gloomy mamas on dreary days joy glimmers.

joy in doing love for beloveds

joy tucked in Word truth

joy in resting mind quiet on Him

The vanilla smell of a lit candle turns my face and my eyes linger on the solitary flame. Waving, straight, now fluttering again.

And when still, it always points straight up.

 

Blessed to join
imperfect prose
for the first time.

Sometimes the Gift that is Needed Most is the Hardest Gift to Give

Thank you for walking through the Give Back Giveaway with me.

It has brought me much joy to highlight these ministries for your support, to see the hope and healing being brought into lives around the world, and to give away lovely and delicious gifts to you from these ministries. I do hope you will seriously consider supporting them as you give this Christmas.

But I will confess that reading and writing about the brokenness and need in the many precious lives served through these programs has grieved me. The hiddenness and magnitude of the problems threaten to overwhelm this tender heart.

Can we be honest?

There is never enough that we can do. Because the hurt is so huge.

But we must do something. Our love for Jesus, because of His love for us, simply must overflow and embrace those who hurt.

In the end, we truly are never enough. But He is enough. He is enough for us, He is enough for all who suffer. He is the only hope we have.

We can be His hands and feet, His eyes and ears, pouring ourselves out in love and service right here and right now.

This may sound funny, given that I have spent a month sharing various ministries with you, but I believe this firmly...

If you have a choice to send money somewhere, or to reach out and touch a hurting person right near you, turn to that hurting person.

Yes, money matters, it does make a difference and people and ministries REALLY need it. So many are struggling financially.

But you have neighbors who don't have a group ministering to them. So you be the ministry, you minister to their needs. You are equipped for this in Him!

I look around me now, here in the middle of a burned out forest, and I see an incredible amount of real and present need. When 1600+ homes and businesses are completely destroyed in a rural community, the list of needs is overwhelming.

Sometimes the way to meet a need does require money. But creative lovers of Christ can serve, no matter the circumstance.

The balm for all wounds, ultimately, is love, and love doesn't require money.

If we are honest with ourselves, we have to admit that love may be the more costly of the two, as it requires giving of our very selves.

This is what is required of us, I believe. And I fail abysmally most of the time. But I long to live love and pour out my life as an offering.

Will you try with me?

Open your heart to the need right next door, and give yourself away this Christmas.



photo by JoyLove7

Learning What is Needful for Now, and Letting All Else Go

I have always wanted to save the world.

When I was a child, I admonished my friends who didn't finish their lunches... there were starving children in Africa!

At age eleven I wrote a petition to save the whales and walked around my neighborhood asking for signatures.

In ninth grade I gave an impassioned speech to my English class on the horrors of abortion.

When I was in college I became a student counselor.  And then spiraled into a deep darkness as I realized that the problems of the world were far greater than one little girl could even comprehend, much less solve.

It wasn't until I began to study Jesus in the bible, in my mid-twenties, that I began to understand.   Jesus had already saved the world, but it looked very different from what anyone expected.  The solution was not temporal... it was eternal.

I still hung on to my desire to rescue, to help.  And as I gave my life more and more to Jesus, my heart swelled with love, and my grief over others' suffering just magnified.
 
The need is so great.  Overwhelmingly great.  I have worn myself bone-tired trying to meet the need.  The need in my home, the need in my little community, the need pressing pressing pressing from everywhere.  All over our ever-shrinking internet-connected world.

In this season of my life, as I seek to draw into the presence of God and remain, to dwell there as I go about my busy day, I have seen something new as I sit at His feet in the Word.

Jesus did not meet every physical need in his earthly ministry.

There were lepers He did not heal.  There were sick people who died.

Jesus even spoke about this:

"I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon. And there were many in Israel with leprosy in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed—only Naaman the Syrian." Luke 4: 25-27

Jesus did only what His father told Him.  Elijah and Elisha healed only those to whom they were called. 

Shouldn't I follow such an example?

This is the rest into which I am called, into which you are called.  Resting in His presence, learning the now thing, the needful thing.  

Working at it with all my heart, my hands His to use.  

Letting all else go.

photo by DuBoix

Discipleship and Family Ministry ~ Mom Heart Thoughts, Part 1

With Sally Clarkson at the morning tea. Can you tell I was happy?

I had the privilege of attending a Mom Heart Conference in Irving, TX this past weekend.  Mom Heart is part of Whole Heart Ministries, an organization run by the incredibly gifted Sally and Clay Clarkson and their family.

This was the fourth conference I have attended put on by Whole Heart Ministries, and it was just as inspiring as all the rest, if not more so.  My mind and heart were overflowing as I left, and my rekindled passion for my life as a mother continues to feel strong and fresh today.  I do encourage you to attend a Mom Heart conference if ever you are able.

For the past few days I have pondered how on earth I could possibly distill such a rich two days into one blog post.  I have given up!  You will be seeing quite a few posts from me that are the fruit of new ideas kindled or old ideas fanned into flame this past weekend.

Today I want to talk about discipleship.  One of the things that I took away from the conference was the desire for a family ministry.  Because we homeschool we are blessed to be able to cultivate the relationships within our family intensively each day.  Yet even in a homeschool setting it is easy for each of us to be going our separate ways. 

I have watched the Clarksons over the years, and how they have involved their children in their ministry.  The children do a lot of the back-end work and each of the Clarkson children in attendance is expected to stand up and share something.  Often they speak, sometimes they perform music.  I strongly believe that part of the reason their family bond is so strong is the fact that Whole Heart Ministries is not just Sally and Clay's vision, it is a family vision.  Most of their children are now adults, and yet they still continue to attend, to help and to enjoy one another.

Sally talked about how Jesus ministered intensively to his disciples, and how the disciples in turn went out into the world and ministered.  Think about it... Jesus didn't sit down and write the gospels while He was on earth in bodily form.  It is because of His disciples and people to whom they witnessed and ministered that we have the New Testament.  And it is because of their faithfulness in writing that countless people over millennia have come to know Jesus Christ.  This practice of disciples making disciples is God's good design!

Isn't this just what we as parents are called to?  We minister to our children, to teach and strengthen them to go forth and minister to others.  In the season of life with young ones under our roofs it really is the most pressing ministry we have!

There are many aspects to the how-to's of this, of course, but the one that is most on my heart right now is a family vision, a family ministry.  What is our family's message to the world, and how can we live and share it together?  There is so much need, and we have hearts for service... how much better for it to be service together!

I fervently believe that this will greatly equip our children to be warriors in a dark world.  I don't believe God calls Christians to hide away from the world, but rather to be light-bearers... hope-bringers to hurting people.

Now, to be clear, there is a time for everything.  Our littlest ones need shelter.  Like chicks under a mama hen's wing they need nurturing and peace to grow strong foundations.  But as they grow, it is our privilege and responsibility to prepare them for service in this world and increasingly expose them to it.

Sally reminded us that our youth are called to be as Daniel in Babylon.  That they are in the world with a purpose and a calling.  They are to influence the world, not be influenced by the world.

Does it sound scary?  Are you afraid to allow your teen into the world?  I completely understand; I struggle myself.  A mother's tender heart wants to protect her child.  Yet as Sally reminded us, if you only try to do what you can do yourself, you are living in works.  Live by faith, not by fear!

The fact is, you can't protect your children from the evil in the world.  So equip them!  How much better it will be for them to face worldly challenges with your loving guidance as they grow, than to be sheltered until adulthood and thrust out into the world unprepared.

The Clarkson's youngest daughter, Joy, who is almost 16, shared a beautiful song she had written, as well as this message: Trust your teen.

Our children will face struggles and suffering no matter what.  Deepening our relationships with them and speaking truth and hope into their lives is the model Jesus gave us for making disciples.

Through openness and humility with my children I seek to grow a relationship built on love and trust.  I want them to know that for the rest of their lives, they can turn to me for love and encouragement.  I want to always point them toward Jesus.  Not only when they are small and think that I am the Queen of Everything (oh how I love those days!) but also when they are towering over me and struggling with the world.

I am not sure where God will lead us as we seek Him for a family vision and ministry.  But I believe it will be an amazing journey.  As Sally said, "God is only limited by our faith."

Do you have a family vision or ministry?  I would love to hear how your family seeks to be Daniels in Babylon!

Grace to be a chauffeur

As some of you know, I have been trying to reach out to a woman in my community who is in need.  Last month I caught a peek behind the strong wall she has built to protect herself, when she reveled in the attention of five singing children.

God continues to move steadily for her.  On Sunday of last week several of us had a productive meeting at church on her behalf (I was so grateful that we were discussing her situation that I cried twice during that meeting... the five men attending were somewhat baffled).  And on the following Monday I had one of those experiences with her that can only be described as a "God moment."

Our older children attend a homeschool PE class once a week.  It is during this time that Little Warrior and I usually visit our friend.  On this particular Monday, I was not feeling very energetic. Unbeknownst to me I was at the beginning of an illness that would last over a week.  But on the heels of the church meeting the previous day, I felt I should stop by.  The Princess had made our friend a card, which she wanted to give her in person.  This meant we would need to visit after the class was finished.  On top of that, in the middle of the class, I got a call from another PE mom who asked me if I could bring her son home, an added twenty minutes of driving.

The stage was set... extra kid in the car, visiting our friend later than usual, wanting to go home and sleep...

We pulled up; she was on the porch by the time we were at the stairs.  The Princess gave her her card, we chatted a bit, and we were about to leave when a truck pulled up.  It was one of the men from church. 

He walked up, smiling and surprised to see us, and asked me, "How much time do you have?"  Turns out he was there to take her grocery shopping but didn't really have the time.  My first (internal) reaction was Oh I am soooo tired.  But I decided to give my husband a call and find out his plans.  It would give me some extra time to pray and think. 

After calling my husband, I decided I would drop off the other boy then come back to get her.  But I found myself inviting her to come with me right then and have dinner.  Without hesitation she said yes.

And so began four hours together. Our extra time in the car delivering my son's friend gave us more opportunity to talk.  She sat at our table and ate dinner with us.  She smiled while were talking.  She looked me in the eye.  We took her grocery shopping, and for the first time she let me in her house, when we brought the bags from the car.

So really the "God-moment" was a "God-four-hours".  It was completely unexpected, and completely awesome.  And I was totally energized and un-sick-feeling from the moment she got in the car until 30 minutes after I got home that night.  And then I was sick for a week! 

All the details were worked out... normally I would not have been there at that time so wouldn't have been there to be asked... the extra driving to drop off my son's friend meant extra time to talk... for some reason I had decided to make a crockpot meal that morning so dinner was ready when we got home... and the complete suspension of symptoms was, well, just plain grace.

photo credit Rodney Campbell

Mary's "Yes!"

Originally written in December 2005

At this time of year I often find myself marveling at the young girl Mary... just a child herself in so many ways, and yet when told she would bear the son of God, her answer was  "Let it be to me as the Lord has said." (Luke 1:38)

Mary's "Yes!" resounds down the ages... her acceptance and obedience is the response toward which I strain.

I am 36 years old, not a teenager, as Mary was, and I too am pregnant.  This is my fourth pregnancy.  I have done this before... I know what it's like to carry a child in my womb, feel the changes in my body, the first movements, the increasingly strong kicks and punches, the sheer physical weight of the experience bending my back.  I know what it's like to give birth, to nurse a sweet smelling babe, to wake up in the night over and over and over.  I have watched tiny babies turn into toddlers, then children.  I've known the joys and fears.

I've also known the pain.  Our second baby died in utero.  So now, carrying our fourth baby, I wonder.  Will this baby live to be held in my arms? How will I manage all that God has called me to... being a wife, mothering, homemaking, homeschooling, tending a farm?  Will I live my life as a reflection of the great gift which I have received from Him, or will I just be a mess?

In my moments of sitting at His feet pouring out my heart to Him, I never receive an assurance that anything will be easy.  He never tells me He will take away what scares me.  But He does tell me not to be scared.  And He holds me.

God is calling me to radical trust in Him.  He is asking me to let go of the fear, without the cause for fear being removed. 

Mary's childlike faith caused her to respond "Yes!"  She totally trusted God, as a little girl trusts that her earthly father won't drop her as he carries her.

Each day of my life, each moment of each day, I have a choice.  Will I say "Yes!" to God with childlike trust, or will I warily ask, "How do I know you're telling me truth?"  Because some of those promises sure are hard to believe.

Is God calling you forth to a new place?  Is He asking you to accept a calling that appears to be impossible?  Some days mothering seems to be impossible, doesn't it?

How will you answer His call?  Will you say, "How do I know you can really do this?"  Or will you say "Yes!"?  Will you walk in faith and accept that Gabriel wasn't kidding when he said "with God nothing is impossible?" (Luke 1:37)

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" (Luke 1:45)

May your coming days, as you celebrate the birth of the tiny baby who changed the world, be filled with the joy of trusting that with God nothing is impossible.