Writing a Book = Open Heart Surgery {gulp}

I am writing a book.

I have dreamed of writing books. I have dreamed of having written books.

I have imagined that I could write a book that could capture all the beauty that my heart yearns to express.

But I have not actually written a book.

I am writing a book.

Writing a book is... revealing.

The one thing that all finished books have in common? They are finished. Completed. The author kept going and going and going and <pant pant> going... then one day found closure and moved on from a dreamily perfect ideal to release it to the winds of the world.

Writing a book has revealed to me that all the going takes a very long time. And that finishing is not for the faint of heart.

It has shown me that I have even more left to learn than I thought. About writing... about my topic... about myself.

It has cast a spotlight on my fears... there are times when I think about this book and I feel like the whole world is a blinding beam silhouetting all my deepest anxieties... all the tender parts of me exposed to the heartless throngs.

Oh there are so many reasons not to write this book. The lack of a long string of letters after my name (credentials!); the bookshelves that need organizing; the baby goats to watch; the possibility that maybe just maybe I am not smart enough or talented enough to pull it off; the cookies to bake; the laundry that needs folding; the wrenching pain in my soul when I realize that what I am writing about is the hardest thing in the world to live but I must try in my every waking moment to live it; the deep knowledge that I do in fact fail to live it every waking moment...

... but...

I am writing a book.

I am relying on God's grace. I say this with all my heart: if this book is ever finished and published... if you ever see a copy of it that is not an email from me of some word document of a chapter (ha!)...  yes, if there ever is an actual book... this is why:

For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves
- 2 Corinthians 4:5-7

Not me. If this crazy thing ever comes to completion... no, when this crazy, gloriously beautiful journey comes to completion, it will be because of Him. I am not fit for the task. I am out of my comfort zone. Way way way out of my comfort zone.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
- 2 Corinthians 12:10

Yes, I'm relying on His grace as I slowly stitch words together. Lord, be glorified!

{Author friends: it would bless me greatly to learn your favorite tip for keeping head down as you soldier onward with your writing projects. Would you tell me in the comments? I have learned so much from other writers! My burning question right now... is it just me and my pace or does writing a book really take forrrrrreeeeevvvvver?}
 
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