When the Darkness Tries to Overwhelm

We did something crazy this week and launched a website.

Right in the middle of the frenzy of December we did it.

It was scary and dangerous and risky to pour ourselves for months into a little dream and not know what would come. But when we opened wide the doors on Monday there was dancing and there were squeals as person after person responded with such kindness and encouragement.

I am not being metaphorical about the squeals. Or the dancing.

And we chitter chattered and bubbled both at home and online and it was so bright and shiny everywhere.

Then yesterday morning all fell heavy.

The darkness fell as I read about tiny people, beloved by family and God, ripped from this world.

I couldn't do anything but fall silent and fall on my knees. To feel the fingers of ice, the specter of hopelessness.

I stilled my online words. I grabbed the faces here with all their messy hair, and kissed cheeks. I looked into bright eyes and found my own eyes bright with tears.

Then in the afternoon we went to the zoo. The zoo, of all places.

It was a birthday party that took us there, in the gray December fog, with drizzle threatening. A tiny zoo in the middle of the Texas nowhere, filled with rescued and endangered animals. Our host, the birthday boy, had wanted to see the lions.

We were expected, our small party of homeschoolers, and had the zoo to ourselves. The owner had held off feeding the big cats so we could watch.

The time came, and the lion was ready. Past ready. Meal time is usually in the morning.

The low growl of a lion waiting for food send chills up your arms. You want to step far back from the double fence, to grab your babies and cower.

The zoo owner stepped between the fences with a bucket of raw chicken and made the lion show off by raising the chicken above his head so it had to stand on two back paws. While the lion feverishly crunched through bones, the zookeeper educated us.

He told us how male lions have the hardest life of all animals. How fights are to the death. How they eat people.

The lion was slinking again, low growl saying "more, more."  The keeper raised another chicken leg to the fence and it was snatched in a flash.

The zookeeper continued, telling grisly tales that did not seem birthday party fare. Then more growling, more chicken.

And as I listened to the mingle of growls and crunching and horror stories, I heard quiet but strong in my heart:

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  - 1 Peter 5:8

Like a roaring lion.

We can not be blamed for looking at lions and feeling fear. Nor can we mamas avoid the sharp knife of terror for our own babies that is mingled with the devastating grief we feel to our core for the mamas who have lost little ones.

We have an enemy.

To dismiss this is to live a delusion.

It is right to recognize danger.

But we who belong to God must also know this truth: Perfect love casts out fear.

As a tornado of death and lions and bright beginnings and Christmas swirls through my mind, simple words take over.

Love

Light

I remember what Jesus said...

In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. - John 16:33

And wouldn't the lion that prowls and brings trouble want us to cower, to hide? Wouldn't he want to chase us into dark corners, to hold close what is dear, to squeeze eyes and not look?

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. - 1 John 1:5 

That which is evil must have light shone upon it. We must shine that light.

You are the light of the world... Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. - Matthew 5:14, 16

The slinking lion darkness and evil is all about, yet we can choose to look to the light. To not cower, to not squeeze eyes. To set our faces firm toward God and be lights in this world.

We are only lights because of Him. All we do is reflect. But we must choose to be open to reflecting. To be alert, to stand firm, to shine back His glory.

Little eyes are watching how we choose. If we speak despairing words little ears hear. If we make fearful choices little hearts wonder.

I am determined to choose love.

I have this one living hope...

Shine, mamas, shine His light in you. Be alert. Stand firm. And shine.

  
candle photo copyright

The Only True Confidence

I struggle with confidence.

I often pray, "Lord I trust You completely. I know You won't lead me astray. But I doubt myself terribly. Will I understand You correctly?"

I have trouble stepping out and making decisions.

Yesterday I forced myself to make a decision in a situation in which I am in leadership. My first inclination was to put the decision to a group vote, but I realized that it was appropriate for me to make the decision myself. And cowardly of me not to do so.

The thing about being a leader is that when the decision is wrong, you are the one who bears the responsibility. I don't want to be wrong.

But fear of being wrong is like any other spirit of fear. Not from God.

And a shocking truth hit me.

If I can draw near with confidence to the throne of grace... to the Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth... if I can draw near to Him with confidence, why on earth should I lack confidence interacting with humans?

And oh this comfort:

For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. - Hebrews 4:15

I can be confident that He lavishes grace and mercy on me. Not because I am good or right, but because of Jesus (Heb 4:14).

In fact, there is hidden pride in that lack of confidence I showed yesterday. I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to mess up.

Me, me, me.

My life is an endless exercise in letting go of myself and gripping on to Jesus.

 

Out of My Comfort Zone

Photo by Chris Getty

So there I was, privileged once again to be sitting with a group of lovely women, most of whom I know fairly well, ready to launch a new year of monthly bible studies. Since it was our first evening back, and some of the women were new to our group, I decided to start with a little background on myself, my faith journey, that sort of thing.

I had not gotten three words out of my mouth when I felt the heat start to creep up my cheeks. If you can call a flash fire "creeping." I can't tell you why this happens, but when a group of people all have their eyes on me, even people I know, even a small number of people I know, I blush. Like crazy. It is most disconcerting.

It's not like I've never led bible studies before. I've been doing it off and on for sixteen years. But truth be told, I am just not really super comfortable when I am sitting in that chair with people listening to me.

And not really super comfortable is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Have you ever noticed that God likes to get His kids out of their comfort zones?

Moses was afraid of going back to Egypt. Jeremiah didn't want to talk to people. Paul ended up becoming the kind of guy he was persecuting. Little David fought a giant, Esther risked death by talking to the king, Abraham had to be willing to give up his long awaited son.

Truth be told, the kind of things asked of me are puny compared to those.

I really don't like talking in front of groups. One-on-one suits me just fine. And I have always been kind of private about my written musings. I've filled many a journal. Many a private, personal journal.

And guess what. That was just a little too comfortable.

So I pray and I feel led to start bible studies and I just have to walk into it knowing He is going to carry me. I pray and feel led to write online and, well, here I am.

Do you see my red cheeks?

The fact is, I'm rather a bumbling sinful mess. A messy girl looking at a perfect Father and longing to be like Him.

And I tell Him, tell Him over and over, "I'm not really up for this, Lord. Not really equipped. And have you noticed all the things on my to-do list and how I'm struggling to keep up? Don't you have another daughter who is more wise and organized and perfect who could serve you better?"

He does of course, but He still asks me to be willing, and while I am almost always timid, I am also almost always willing.

When all is said and done, there is so little risk, so little lost.  Maybe some pride.  Maybe someone's good opinion.

But the gain?  To actually experience the reality that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me is a faith builder like no other.

Because isn't God's goal HIS glory? And boy can He be glorified when a trembly bumbling shy mess can actually pull off a bible study or write something coherent.

So I am trying to remember: just do it. I am trying to replace the anxious whispers with assurances like: don't worry... trust the God who leads you... it's not about perfection, it's about living.

And I hear Him whisper....

Enjoy the journey. You know the destination.

Do Not Be Anxious About Anything

This was written as part of the Philippians bible study at Do Not Depart and posted there on July 22, 2011. I encourage you to check out this wonderful site for encouragement and tools for your quiet time, scripture memorization, and much more.

Ever since I was a child I have wondered what it would be like to be a bird, soaring high above the earth. I’ve dreamed of the remarkable view of God’s world I would have, of the freedom to fly at will and unhindered.

But not long ago, I remembered my fear of heights. I was sitting on a mountain top watching a bird flying over a canyon, periodically diving for bugs, and as I imagined myself looking down from the bird’s vantage point, I had that sudden lurch of fear that I get when I peer over railings. For the first time in my life the idea of soaring like a bird sounded unpleasant.

Worry. Fear. Anxiety.

Most of us have struggled with these peace-crushing emotions at one time or another. For some, anxiety is an ongoing, life-sucking burden.

I have grappled with anxiety and fear throughout my life. Even now I find it lurking around the corners at times, waiting to trap me emotionally.

As I have spent time in Philippians 4:1-9 this week, I have been overwhelmed by the richness of the passage.  Philippians 4:8 alone is worthy of its own book… a veritable treatise on the thought life.

But my eye and heart keep being drawn back to Philippians 4:6-7…

 … do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God’s word is clear. There is nothing, nothing, about which I need be anxious. Do not be anxious about anything.

Instead, in everything (no exceptions!) I am to turn to God in prayer. With a thankful heart, I must offer all my requests and worries to Him. The remarkable promised result is Gods’ peace… the very opposite of anxiety. When I offer every bit of worry and fear to God, I am living the truth that I can trust Him to always have my best interests at heart.

God’s peace is not just a gift for my heart, it is also for my mind. His peace guards my heart and mind. God desires to protect and soothe not only my emotions, but also my thoughts. This is a supernatural peace, found only in Christ Jesus, and not dependent on circumstance.

God created each of us for a unique purpose in His world. Just as He created that soaring, diving bird I watched over the canyon. The bird had no fear, because it was equipped for the very thing it was doing. It was not afraid to fall, because God had given it wings and the knowledge to use them to preserve its life.

Like the bird, I have been equipped, and so have you. The bird was given wings that not only helped it soar to higher heights, but also brought it safely to the ground. You and I have been gifted prayer not only to lift us up, but also to guard and guide us to a safe landing, in peace, through Jesus Christ.


Photos by Carol Carpenter

The Secret to Overcoming Fear

When we moved to our farm six years ago, the only animals I had ever raised were dogs and a hamster.

We had first purchased property and put cattle on it.  Then we bought the land and house next door to live in.  So when we arrived we already had cows.

I was terrified of cows.  I had a seven year old and a two year old.  Cows were big.  And looked at you with a menacing gleam in their eyes like you were all kinds of delicious.  And did I mention.. they were big.

Then there were the horses.  They were big too.  And jumpy.  But we still agreed to take care of someone else's horses on our land.  Those large, jumpy, dangerous and wild animals right in my children's back yard!

The coyotes sounded scary howling away at night.  Would they attack my little girl if hungry enough?

And mice!  Maybe there were mice.  They carried disease, didn't they?  Farms always had mice!  A farmer's wife's job was to cut off their tales with a carving knife, right?

FEAR!

Fear has stalked me my whole life.  Fear can debilitate you completely, freeze you right where you are and give you no hope.

And when we moved here, I was afraid.

But I also knew it was where we were supposed to be, and I trusted God.

Shortly after we moved to the farm, I had to deal with a cattle situation when my husband was away. I was terrified and overwhelmed but (with God's help) I made it through just fine.  And over time my fear of cattle diminished.  Mostly because I learned about them, how they think, and what they need.

You see, I just didn't know cattle.

I didn't know horses, coyotes or mice either.  But I learned and discovered that they each in their own way are absolutely manageable. 

So many of the fears we have are fears of the unknown.

What is worry if not fear of what might happen?  Mothers especially seem prone to worry about the future, to dwell on the "what if's."

Years ago my husband taught me to ask myself the question "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Admittedly, there are some scenarios in which the answer is pretty devastating.  But so many of the little things we worry about are just not worth the emotional output.

And often, if that which we fear does come to pass, it is not nearly as bad as we anticipated.

I had the opportunity to put that principle to the test recently.  I am a transplanted Yankee, but have now been living in Texas for seventeen years.  When we arrived I was stunned and slightly terrified by the volume and variety of stinging and biting critters.

It didn't take long for me to get my first fire ant bite, which was followed by countless ant bites over the years.  Wasps, mosquitos, spiders, ugh.  And the other day I added to my list of "been-there-done-thats"... I was stung by a scorpion.

Photo by David Dallaqua

Looks menacing, doesn't it?  As it turns out, my scorpion sting wasn't any more painful than a wasp sting. And scorpions in most of the U.S. are not deadly.

So many of the fears we have are fears of the unknown.
 
You probably have fears that are far deeper and more life-altering than a fear of scorpions. Have you spent time sitting with the Lord and sharing them with Him? Have you asked yourself "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Have you educated yourself on that which frightens you?  Knowing that cattle are afraid of humans, and that our local scorpions are not deadly, went a long way toward helping me be emotionally realistic.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 
~ 1 John 4:18 ~

"Fear involves punishment." The enemy of our hearts wants us to be bound up by our fears. Jesus wants to break our chains!

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.  
~ Galatians 5:1 ~

We really are offered freedom from fear in Christ.  It is a surprisingly challenging truth to accept. 

But when you trust God, when you truly believe He has your best interests at heart, you can receive the truth that while you may not know what is around the corner, He does.

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.' 
~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~

Today, if you are afraid, find a way to be alone with Jesus.

Sit at His feet and pour out your heart. Tell Him all your fears and ask Him to show you the truth... what is the worst thing that could happen, what knowledge are you lacking?

Then praise Him! Turn your eyes from yourself and your fears and praise the God who made you! Even if you can find nothing in your life right now that seems praiseworthy, praise Him for who He is.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  
~ Joshua 1:9 ~

I pray that "...the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him" (Rom 5:13). And I would be privileged to pray for your specific situation as well.

May you receive His freedom today!

Change

You may be one of those people who craves the new and unknown. You're seriously awesome.

But me, not so much. I like adventure... as long as I have some say in it. I've always wanted to go on a road trip without an itinerary. But the hidden truth is that I'd want to be the driver. {blush}

I'm not too different from a chicken.

A few weeks ago, we moved our Cornish-Rock chicks, now teenagers, from the brooder porch to a fenced pasture.

Farmer Boy got the big blue wheelbarrow, and one by one, lifted sixty chickens out of the brooder.

I am considering changing his nickname to The Chicken Whisperer. A few nights ago I heard some murmuring outside and looked out the window to see a small light in the layers' pen.  I listened closely and heard him muttering encouraging words, "Your numbers are really up, great job!" "Well, I'm going in now, sleep tight!"

So, naturally he talked the big fat white chicks through their drama.

"I know, but trust me, you're going to love it."

Squawk! Panic! Mad flap of wings!

"Really, we're heading toward chicken paradise!"

Cluck! Scramble! More panic!

"Just relax, we'll be there soon."

 

And they loved it. I don't remember a flock of Cornish-Rocks that has taken better and faster to the brooder-to-pasture transition. Within an hour, dust baths were being had all around.

An unusually hardy and healthy flock (this breed is known for its propensity for sudden death), when I opened the gate to feed them every morning they would run en masse toward me, making it quite dangerous (for themselves mostly) as I tried to walk forward. The sound of 120 fat and happy chicken feet pounding my way was surprisingly reminiscent of the thunder of horses' hooves!

Am I a chicken? Sometimes.

But I seem to have a Patti Whisperer. Try as I might to stay in my cage, I keep hearing...

"I know, but trust me, you're going to love it."

But Lord, it seems so scary!

"Really, we're heading toward paradise!"

But so many changes... how can I be sure that there is goodness ahead?

"Just relax, we'll be there soon."

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   ~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~