Just me

Approximately every two days, my husband and I have a conversation that ends with him saying, "Just write!"

It's just that I get a little caught up.  Being, in nature, a perfectionist, I want to do it RIGHT!  This is pretty much impossible when it comes to writing, and totally impossible when it comes to life.

I've said to him several times, "But someone smarter and better than me has already written about this somewhere!"  Today he said, "If you ever had a single thought that no one else has ever had in the history of the world, it would be a miracle."

Of course, he's right. 

He wasn't insulting me or my intelligence, he was rightly bringing my attention to the truth... we all muddle through, most of us face the same general trials and joys (in varying forms and degrees)... it's what some might call "the human condition".

The only thing unique I have to offer is my story.  How I muddled through.  And am still muddling.

I worry wonder if I come across as holier-than-thou (trust me, I'm not).  I fret over ponder whether what I write actually makes sense to anyone but me (anyone? anyone?).  I'm nervous concerned that all this joy stuff makes me seem like a cardboard cut-out saccharine Pollyanna (check with my kids on that one.  On second thought, never mind, eek!)

So I'll let you in on a secret.

I am so muddling through it isn't funny.  I am writing about joy because it has blown me away.  Surprised by joy?  Yep, that's me!

I am far from the constantly-joyful-peaceful-nothing-bothers-me-send-it-my-way woman I desire to be.  But I am soooo much closer to that than I was 3 years ago, or 5, or 10, or (good grief, it hurts my brain to remember those wretched days) 20 years ago.

The 20 year old me would not have recognized the 40 year old me.  Frankly, she would have been shocked.  I think maybe that's what amazes me the most... what I least thought would make me whole when I was young was the very thing that has freed me.

So, that's what this blog is about.  Me.  Muddling through.  Seeking joy in the journey like that person wrote in the sidebar of my blog.  Oh, that was me.

1 comment:

  1. To answer you're "Does this make sense to anyone but me?" question: A resounding, "YES!" What you have shared so far has helped me see some things from a new angle. You have a unique perspective (being a unique creation, and all) that is really helpful. Thank you!


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