The house lies quiet and black as I shuffle to the tea pot. I pass work. Everywhere I look I see work. "Should" begins its daily march through my thoughts, and it takes a will that is hard to muster at this hour to resist giving in and turning to those piles and lists.
But today I don't. Because I know they wait - fellow sojourners on the Way, growing in discipline to meet the Lord in the morning. Oh how I wish that I were not so weak, that the joy that I know awaits me in His presence was all that spurred me. But my flesh responds now to the commitment I've made to other women.
My tea steeps while I gather bible and pencil, study and music. I know that the fastest way to place myself in His presence is to sing to Him. I dig out earphones, plug them in and settle into the couch.
The music starts and I am on my knees, head on couch. So tired. But the music begins to stir inside, like a slow spoon in the cup of my heart. I begin to mouth the words, and my head rises. Soon tears are flowing down my face as my arms lift to the ceiling, in the presence of the only One who knows every nook and cranny of me.
I sit on the couch again, turning pages of scripture, eating the Word bite by bite, chewing and savoring. My pencil scratches barely legible notes in my study. Every day something speaks right into my real life. Something I needed to remember, something I needed to learn. A word of hope. Tender love.
I turn to the music again. Something makes me turn off the light for this song, and as I sit on the couch singing, I see the vague outline of trees out the window. Black with the slightest blue grey behind.
Tears begin again as the light softly grows while I worship. Because this is the picture of my heart. The light that has gently grown in the darkness of my center, that has illuminated the hidden scared places, this is the light that has defined me, the real me.
The lines on the trees are more clear now and a muted morning rainbow hugs them in the dawn light. Soon I can see that their definition is complete, each tree fully illuminated. And now each blade of grass. Each leaf.
The brightness makes me weep.
Because I see myself. I see each who struggles to put herself in His presence when body and mind rebel. And I see the fruit. The glorious light that presses away darkness without faltering, and reveals the beauty of the created.
For several years I have been blessed by a ministry now known as HelloMornings. If you desire to grow in being intentional about spending daily time with God, you may find that the accountability provided by HelloMornings strengthens you too.
Small groups of 15 women check in with one other on weekdays during each 13 week session. An optional bible study is provided that can be as simple or as in-depth as you desire to make it.
The summer 2013 session of HelloMornings runs from May 6 - August 2, 2013. Registration is open now until May 3, 2013. Won't you join us?
