So I am passionate about encouraging women to spend time with God, to read His love letter, to embrace who they are in Christ.
I write about it here, I write about it at Do Not Depart, I lead a women's bible study, and I serve in the Hello Mornings ministry... all because I understand how life changing it is to make the choice to learn God's Word and walk in it. To come to know God through the pages of His book completely transforms your world view.
But you know what? Despite decades of doing it, spending time in the Word is not always easy. In fact, there are times when I struggle to convince myself to creak open those pages at all. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed, but far more worrisome is when I am getting up early and just don't want to sit down and study.
I found myself in that place last week. We had an over-busy spring, which was followed by an absolutely beautiful vacation with extended family in Hawaii. I didn't want to leave.
The responsibilities at home are many and endless. Every clean dish becomes dirty again, every new weekday brings more lessons for school, and a blog is only as good as its last post. Which had better have been published recently! The house, the yard, the menu, the budget, the syllabus, the extra-curriculars, the driving, the business plan... the laundry!
I am not alone in living this reality. I think it is the norm for many American women today. We wear so many hats. So much is expected of us.
Trouble is, I am living a super-highway-paced life when I was designed for a dirt-road meandering life. It's who I am; I know people who love a packed schedule and an ever changing routine.
Me? I'm a stop-to-smell-the-daisies girl. No time for daisies lately.
I was finding it very hard to get up in the morning. Some of it certainly was the time change after our trip, which our entire family is still easing out of (can't believe it is taking this long!)
Last week, I felt like I hit a crisis point. I was so discouraged. I felt helpless. I wasn't getting done what needed to be done and I couldn't focus on the bible at all.
It took a friend being in the same place for me to remember. Sometimes it is not about getting the study time in. Sometimes it's just about being in His presence.
So I took the pressure off. I made two decisions. I would not look at any electronics before I sat on the couch with my bible, and I would be okay with getting absolutely nothing out of my bible reading. If all I did was sang to Him and fell back asleep that was enough.
What a relief!
Worship songs in my ears and a cozy blanket around my shoulders, I sang. I snuggled into the couch and into His arms, and was just plain old tired me.
And eventually I was able to read my bible. It did become more than a blur of letters.
Because I had stopped focusing on the obligation, and looked instead into the face of Jesus.
It was enough that I showed up. He made the rest work in His good time.
All He really wanted was me anyway.
